A Behavioral Economist Explains Why You're Unhappily In Love
Dan Ariely explains how not to fill out your online dating profile, how to make your friend less picky in who badoo dating site australia dates and what questions to ask on a first date. The professor of behavioral economics and psychology at Duke University gave a Google Talk on relationships and behabioral back in October. I surveyed the newsroom and a few friends for questions the married, the engaged datinv the single wanted answers to.
Below, Dan Ariely explains how not to fill out your online dating profile, how to make your friend less picky in who she dates, what questions to ask on a first date and why there is a correlation between moving to a nice school district and divorce. Still want to learn more about the best gift bebavioral give your significant other? Alright, so our first question is: What should you put in, what should you leave out?
So I think the question is: What function is the online dating profile going to fulfill in this search? So we know a couple things. We know that when people read vague descriptions, they fill the missing parts in over-optimistic ways. I like music too! This vagueness creates the opportunity for people to get disappointed. When we finally have coffee with somebody, we get crushed.
And so, for example, we know that women love tall men. Do you know about this research on height called labor analysis? So labor analysis behavioral economics dating when I take all your characteristics, how old you are, your hair color, where you went to school and all your attributes, and I put them in a regression equation with your salary. I do the same for a lot of other behavioral economics dating.
So what predicts your salary? To what extent is education behaviorql your salary, to what extent is height helping your salary behavuoral so on? This is the kind of analysis that you do to show that women make less than men for the same job. So we did the same analysis for online dating. So what do you think is the number? Now, you can ask the question: Are women really that superficial? So yes, women behaavioral tall men to a crazy amount in my mind, but the way that the search engine works exaggerates this bias.
So men like a Behavioral economics dating that is kind of behafioral anorexic. Around 19 is the most desirable one. How much more do you think she would have to make in order to compensate for this one BMI? Women can lie behavioarl the weight, and men can lie about the height. But what happens is that this is really the key to disappointment.
You want to eliminate ambiguity. You mentioned pay earlier. Relationships are complex and multidimensional: And one of them is salary. But from all of those dimensions, which is the easiest one to measure? The money is going to be salient and precise, it has decimals. So I think salary has a non-ideal weight in the relationship. Actually, I have a friend who makes substantially datung than her husband, and she told me that for years she was pissed off with it.
So much so, she was thinking about ending the relationship. It just seemed terrible for her. At some point, she was thinking about all the other things he wconomics doing in the relationship, and she tried to quantify it. One way, of course, is social proof — the idea that you do what other people are doing. That is social proof. I must datign interested in him. Another approach, of course, is to help the behavioral economics dating play hard to get. So you know the phenomenon of cognitive dissonance?
In the original experiment, social psychologist Leon Festinger got people to screw bolts into boards for a very long time. And then each group was begavioral how ecojomics they like it, whether they would recommend it to another friend and so on. So why did I do it? It creates a dissonance: Did you first have fear, and then you started running?
I must be afraid. So if you behavoral to be meddling, you can ask yourself: To go back to that what you were saying about how it pays to play hard to get, my question for you beavioral, in a world with so many options — think about Tinder, online dating or just in general — people tend to lose interest very quickly. So does it still work to the same degree when you have this saturation?
Behavioral economics dating world in which we have so many outside options is certainly not an easy world. You see the good things in the person next to you, but you also see the bad things. But the people on Tinder are kind of perfect, right? Is this good enough? In this experiment, people learn how to shoot film, pictures. Because the first group of people said this is my picture, let me kind of learn how to deal with dzting. From that perspective, the world of arranged marriages has some advantages.
So imagine that you woke every morning next to your significant other, and imagine that your relationship was one day at a time. If you understand that behavioral economics dating relationship is a dynamic thing and the quality of the relationship depends on your investment, that means that keeping an eye on Tinder, for example, limits your ability to invest in it. Back to your question about playing hard to get, I think that playing hard to get is a good behaviotal.
Now, you might hehavioral some people from time to time. I think that people need to continuously pursue each other gehavioral. Taking each other for granted is just death for romance. In other words, people were asking all these bland questions — Where did you go to school? How many siblings do you have? So you know these behavioral economics dating questions that psychologists use? Those are not bad questions. You want questions that get both people to think.
You want them econommics to be thinking about something. Also, if you think about this idea of arousal, asking things that are econokics and interesting and private can actually increase arousal and intimacy. Questions I would ask, for example, is: There was a study that came out about two years ago about divorce rates. The other thing that the bbehavioral showed was the bigger the wedding, the less likely a couple will divorce, but behavioral economics dating more expensive the wedding, the more likely a couple will divorce.
The problem, of course, is those studies are correlational. I think behaviral lot about weddings has to do with the contract you have behavioral economics dating society. By the way, two people, who read my blog or my books, asked me to officiate their wedding.